Tag Archives: love

The Old is Gone, the New has come…

“what you complete is completely done..”

Beautiful song by Sovereign Grace.  You should go listen to it now!!

I have been traveling a ton lately, first vacation with the family (kids and all!!) and then I had a trip home to Florida by myself to see my family.  I was so looking forward to the trip alone.  Not because I wanted to get away from kids and husband, but to really be alone and enjoy the quiet presence of Jesus.  I had a total of 17 beautiful hours in the car with sunny skies, not a drop of rain and quiet.  Oh and not to mention I was going to see my Dad in Florida for the 2nd time since 1994!!! WOWZA!

The 8.5 hour drive there was amazing.  Listening to a ton of Louis Giglio, worshiping to awesome Bethel Music, having great conversations with the Lord and of course little dance parties to C & C Music Factory in between!  The Lord revealed a lot to me in that 8.5 hours.  So much, overwhelming, sweet and really uncomfortable too. My first stop is my Dad and his wife’s house on the beach.  I was not nervous at all, I was so excited to see them.  The last time I saw them was about a year before I got married. Let me remind you that when I moved to Florida in 1993 or 1994 that was the last time I saw my dad until I got in contact with him a year before my wedding in 2013. So kind of a big deal!!!  I spent about 2 days with them in St. Augustine.  It was great, hard and revealing all at the same time.  Ill get into the hard and revealing part some other time.

Then on to see my sister, mom, brother-in-law, the coolest niece and nephew and friends!!! I had a blast being with my niece and nephew.  They bring so much joy.  Children are a sweet picture of really being child-like and playful with the Lord.

It was time to leave after 7 days of missing my husband and remembering the past.

I left at 5:45am on Sunday morning.  I was ready to go home in my own bed, my husband and back to normal.  I was looking forward to another 8.5 hours with a sweet time with the Lord.  As I was driving out of Jacksonville I started to replay the life I use to have.  I was thinking about all the nights with no sleep, nights of pain, days of heartache, but also fun days I had.  Many days and nights of partying, drugs, sex and hurt.  I was thinking about how before I got married I would typically be driving home (TN) from Jacksonville with not much sleep, hungover from drinking or drugs, feeling crappy about myself.  Thinking why in the world amI still doing this crap when I go to FL.

This time leaving felt different.  Because, It WAS different. THANK YOU JESUS.

For 8 hours I was reminded of the horrible things I did to other people, the horrible things people did to me, the sleepless nights, the endless partying and no Jesus.  I was so heartbroken thinking about all those years without Him.  All the confusion and restlessness. I was a mess driving.  People driving by were probably thinking that I was crazy.  I was talking really loud (no one was in the car), crying uncontrollably and then laughing and singing.  I looked like a lunatic.

But……..All that crazy mess, I was rejoicing with the Lord.  I was praising Him for the beautiful mess I was and still am.  I was thanking Him for being such a gentleman when I was running.

You see, our God is a God of compassion.  Our God is a God of redemption.  Our God is a God of second chances. Our God is a God of peace.  Our God is a God of restoration.  Our God is a God of reconciliation.  Our God is LOVE.

I ran my mess for many many years and that drive was the first drive alone I was completely free.  I was reminded of how big our God is.  I was reminded that I am forgiven.  I was reminded that there is a plan for me.  I was reminded that He will use my story.  I was remind that He makes all things for my good.

Thank you JESUS!!!  More chains were broken, more healing happened and I was closer to Him in those moments that I have felt in a long time.

There is always a part of me that is scared to tell my story, the whole story.  I am always nervous of the gasps, looks and wide-eyed reactions (which I get often) when I tell my whole story.  Its a vulnerable place to be in front of a large group or small group of girls and women sharing all of you.

Since 2009 I have always known I was called to share my story.  I was always ready and willing but I never really knew the depth of His love for me until that drive.  I always knew He loved me but as I was driving I was replaying MY WHOLE PAST, and blown away in amazement and shock that the man who died on the cross, the man who gave His life for me, the man who rose from the grave, the man who knows my intimate thoughts is in love with ME!!!! He is the best Abba Father.

Since 2009 He has been perusing me, loving me, letting me fall and run, felt deep compassion for me and with me.

Before I got home I was having a conversation about me not really thinking that I should be teaching young girls and how I probably heard him wrong in 2009!!!  He spoke such sweet words to be before I arrived to my husband.

He said “I just want you to share our Love Story”

Got it!  Done! I can do that!  I love our love story.  Its the best!

I will always struggle, I will always fall, I will always have moment of not believing He really loves me.  But deep down in my core….I know know know know He and I have this Love story and I will always be blown away and I will always share!

I encourage you to share your story.  Share your Love Story.  Your worth it.  You matter.  Your story matters.

“The Old has gone, the new has come, what you complete is completely done….”

Listen to this song…..rejoice with Him!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Z3Jefn-GY

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You have a Love Story.  Share it!

Alexa:)

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Life is Short 

I was sitting in Thompson Cancer Center for an appointment and it was the most beautiful and saddest moments of my life. I was already nervous about the appointment thinking about all the outcomes that could happen after this appointment. If I’m being really honest I was really more concerned about myself than anything or anyone else. (I’ll talk about that later!)

When I first arrived I checked in, gave my info, looked around, thought about stuff, filled out paperwork then I sat down with nothing to do besides embrace and be in the moment. 

I finally looked around and stopped thinking about me, me and more of me, I felt deep pain for the women, teenagers and men sitting with me. 

I sat back and listened in on some of the conversations  everyone was having. Some patients were just there to get blood work done, some where there to meet with their doctor and the others that were there were supporting the patient.

 I looked over at one women who had no hair and she had two of her friends with her.  I listen in on her conversation and my thought was (I bet she is so sad, sad about her hair (I would be!), sad that she has cancer, sad that she’s here). BOY, was I wrong! She was full of joy and hope and love.

I listened into a couple more conversations and it was all “normal” talking. Nothing depressing. Nothing about cancer, just everyday life!

That day changed me forever. I went to my appointment and thought “whatever the results were I choose life and joy!”

I was very disappointed in myself, embarrassed that I care so much about my hair, the way I look and what others think of me. 

I look up to those brave and courageous people. I want more of what they have. Which I know is strange Bc I am healthy as the world sees us. But in reality they are more healthy than I am right now!

Daily they choose

Life, joy, peace, hope, no drama, no gossip and they hold on to the promises. 

I don’t choose this daily.  I want to but my life gets hard and I want to quit. I know it’s a poor excuse but I am being brutally honest. 

I left the appointment in awe of The Lord. 

This world is so broken, life hands you poop sometimes and even cancer but if we choose life and Jesus then it looks very  different. It looks like HOPE. 

We are only here on earth for a moment. I want my moment to be amazing and I want my moment to be what and how He wants me to be and do!!

In pain, hurt, disease and sadness- CHOOSE JESUS!! He is the healer, He is the great physician, He gives life!! Open your hands and receive the living water that He has for you. 

Stop complaining, moping, being bitter about the past or present- open your hands and receive the real love and truth. 

 

Love Ya

Alexa 🙂

He is ALIVE 

I woke up this morning thinking about Easter coming up. I am not ready. What I mean by I am not ready is that my heart isn’t in a place of really remembering and being present of what Easter is all about.  I think each of our lives are so busy and crazy. We have soccer practice, work, driving kids to and from everywhere, cooking, cleaning and so on. We forget what our mission is. We forget that we only exist for Him. We forget that He died for us. We forget that He rose from the grave Bc He loves us that much. We forget so much. I desire to be in a place of true and authentic love for Him. As we go into Good Friday and Easter I pray that we all take time to sit and be still to remember why we are here.  I am reminded that our mission is daily. Our mission is in our home. Our mission is to serve Him and GO into the world and Love with no expectation. thankful for His life. Thankful for the grave, Thankful that The grave could not hold him down!!   Praying for more. In need of grace and mercy.