Tag Archives: hope

As we go into the New Year I think about what did my year previously looked like and what does my upcoming year look like. 

We all put together our list of goals, dreams and resolutions. 

This year our family did a bucket list and a dream list with my husband and kids. It was sweet to see what the kids are dreaming about and wanting out of this year. Some things that they wrote down are for many years to come but it is great to teach them to dream big

This year I have spent some time with Jesus asking Him what He wants us to do this year. I have spent some quiet moments with Him asking about what this year looks like with Him. 

This morning was a sweet morning of Him reminding me that He’s got me!!
He’s got you too. 

I wanted to share a couple things you could do with you or you and your family to kick off a new year of dreaming. 

  • Get the whole family together. All ages! Get poster board and markers, pray and ask the Lord for him to reveal anything that He wants them to do, also don’t forget to dream with eachother to do things together. Make memories. Everyone write down their own dreams/bucket list and hopes for the year, then share with eachother. It’s sweet to see what everyone write 
  • Spend time alone with Jesus praying and asking what He wants you to do this year. It may be rest! It may be a tangible thing. Just ask and listen. You will be amazed of how simple He is and how much he really just want more of your heart
  • Start a memory jar. Get a huge mason jar and keep notecards and throughout the year add little notes of memories and at the end of each year read them all together. 
  • You and your spouse get together and dream. Dream of what this year looks like for you both. What do you want to do together? 

I am NOT an expert. It’s hard day to day to remember about these lists throughout the mess of life!! I keep asking the lord to help me!!! Lordy I am a mess! I need all the help I can get. 

This year He is wanting me to fall backwards. – I’ll be writing about what that means and looks like for me!
Blessings. Xo 

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Scripture 

Let everyone give all their praise and thanks to the lord! For here’s why- He is better than anyone could ever imagine. Yes, He’s always so loving and kind and it never ends! So,go ahead and let everyone know it! Tell the world how he broke through and delivered you from the power of darkness and has gathered us together from all over the world. He has set us free to be His very own! 
Some of us once wondered into the wilderness like desert nomads, with no true direction or dwelling place; starving, thirsting, staggering. We became desperate and filled with despair. Then we cried out “LORD HELP UP, rescue us!” And he did. 

  
#thankful #livelovehope #lovewins #loved #oldhasgone #transformation #trust

You’re not finished 

Life is a marathon of pain, heartache, joy, peace and redemption. Before you run an actual marathon you train for it. You train your body for the brutal parts, you even change what you eat. We are called to run the marathon in love, joy, patience, kindness and peace. But most importantly that we run our race with Him. He is running with us. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He goes before. He is in us. We are called to love in such a way that people near us believe that the gospel is true. Run well. Finish well. Whatever that has happened in the past does not define your run. Keep running. Keep training. Seek Him and you will find rest. His yoke is easy. I am renewing my mind daily to this marathon. I desire to finish well. I desire for more is Him. I want to trust Him more. YOU’RE NOT DONE!!!  

  

#hope #renewal #trust #transformation #grace #lovenotes #lovewins #livelovehope #thankful #yourenotdone

Heavy Heart

  

Hard conversations, real conversations make for a heavy heart. I love being challenged. I hate it in the moment when I am being confronted but the more I soak in the truth words spoken over me, I realize that the only answer to my brokenness is more of Jesus. I am soaking in this Psalm. “The valley of the deepest darkness You remain close to me and lead me all the way……….the comfort of your love takes away my fear….You anoint me with the frangrance of Your Holy Spirit. You give me all I can drink of You until my heart overflows.” Soak in this. Praying for more for me and all. Praying that I can be so firm in my identity in Him that nothing can stop me. Praying that I run to Him for everything. Praying that I am reminded by my love that it’s not about me. It’s about living out the Gospel. It’s about loving well. I pray that the aroma of Christ is pouring out of me. I pray for real transformation #livelovehope #lovewins #holyspiritcome #hope #passiontranslation #psalm23 #transformation 

The Old is Gone, the New has come…

“what you complete is completely done..”

Beautiful song by Sovereign Grace.  You should go listen to it now!!

I have been traveling a ton lately, first vacation with the family (kids and all!!) and then I had a trip home to Florida by myself to see my family.  I was so looking forward to the trip alone.  Not because I wanted to get away from kids and husband, but to really be alone and enjoy the quiet presence of Jesus.  I had a total of 17 beautiful hours in the car with sunny skies, not a drop of rain and quiet.  Oh and not to mention I was going to see my Dad in Florida for the 2nd time since 1994!!! WOWZA!

The 8.5 hour drive there was amazing.  Listening to a ton of Louis Giglio, worshiping to awesome Bethel Music, having great conversations with the Lord and of course little dance parties to C & C Music Factory in between!  The Lord revealed a lot to me in that 8.5 hours.  So much, overwhelming, sweet and really uncomfortable too. My first stop is my Dad and his wife’s house on the beach.  I was not nervous at all, I was so excited to see them.  The last time I saw them was about a year before I got married. Let me remind you that when I moved to Florida in 1993 or 1994 that was the last time I saw my dad until I got in contact with him a year before my wedding in 2013. So kind of a big deal!!!  I spent about 2 days with them in St. Augustine.  It was great, hard and revealing all at the same time.  Ill get into the hard and revealing part some other time.

Then on to see my sister, mom, brother-in-law, the coolest niece and nephew and friends!!! I had a blast being with my niece and nephew.  They bring so much joy.  Children are a sweet picture of really being child-like and playful with the Lord.

It was time to leave after 7 days of missing my husband and remembering the past.

I left at 5:45am on Sunday morning.  I was ready to go home in my own bed, my husband and back to normal.  I was looking forward to another 8.5 hours with a sweet time with the Lord.  As I was driving out of Jacksonville I started to replay the life I use to have.  I was thinking about all the nights with no sleep, nights of pain, days of heartache, but also fun days I had.  Many days and nights of partying, drugs, sex and hurt.  I was thinking about how before I got married I would typically be driving home (TN) from Jacksonville with not much sleep, hungover from drinking or drugs, feeling crappy about myself.  Thinking why in the world amI still doing this crap when I go to FL.

This time leaving felt different.  Because, It WAS different. THANK YOU JESUS.

For 8 hours I was reminded of the horrible things I did to other people, the horrible things people did to me, the sleepless nights, the endless partying and no Jesus.  I was so heartbroken thinking about all those years without Him.  All the confusion and restlessness. I was a mess driving.  People driving by were probably thinking that I was crazy.  I was talking really loud (no one was in the car), crying uncontrollably and then laughing and singing.  I looked like a lunatic.

But……..All that crazy mess, I was rejoicing with the Lord.  I was praising Him for the beautiful mess I was and still am.  I was thanking Him for being such a gentleman when I was running.

You see, our God is a God of compassion.  Our God is a God of redemption.  Our God is a God of second chances. Our God is a God of peace.  Our God is a God of restoration.  Our God is a God of reconciliation.  Our God is LOVE.

I ran my mess for many many years and that drive was the first drive alone I was completely free.  I was reminded of how big our God is.  I was reminded that I am forgiven.  I was reminded that there is a plan for me.  I was reminded that He will use my story.  I was remind that He makes all things for my good.

Thank you JESUS!!!  More chains were broken, more healing happened and I was closer to Him in those moments that I have felt in a long time.

There is always a part of me that is scared to tell my story, the whole story.  I am always nervous of the gasps, looks and wide-eyed reactions (which I get often) when I tell my whole story.  Its a vulnerable place to be in front of a large group or small group of girls and women sharing all of you.

Since 2009 I have always known I was called to share my story.  I was always ready and willing but I never really knew the depth of His love for me until that drive.  I always knew He loved me but as I was driving I was replaying MY WHOLE PAST, and blown away in amazement and shock that the man who died on the cross, the man who gave His life for me, the man who rose from the grave, the man who knows my intimate thoughts is in love with ME!!!! He is the best Abba Father.

Since 2009 He has been perusing me, loving me, letting me fall and run, felt deep compassion for me and with me.

Before I got home I was having a conversation about me not really thinking that I should be teaching young girls and how I probably heard him wrong in 2009!!!  He spoke such sweet words to be before I arrived to my husband.

He said “I just want you to share our Love Story”

Got it!  Done! I can do that!  I love our love story.  Its the best!

I will always struggle, I will always fall, I will always have moment of not believing He really loves me.  But deep down in my core….I know know know know He and I have this Love story and I will always be blown away and I will always share!

I encourage you to share your story.  Share your Love Story.  Your worth it.  You matter.  Your story matters.

“The Old has gone, the new has come, what you complete is completely done….”

Listen to this song…..rejoice with Him!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Z3Jefn-GY

IMG_1147

You have a Love Story.  Share it!

Alexa:)

Mommy Day

This day used to KILL me.  I hated the church service where they ask all the mothers to stand up so they can recognize them.  I never stood up.  I wanted to scream

“What about the mothers who have babies in heaven?”

Mothers day has always been such a depressing, lonely and annoying day for me.  It was always hard to watch the Moms being celebrated.  Not because I didn’t want them to feel loved it was my own selfish hurt and pain. I have had my two abortions and I was always reminded by the enemy of the gut wrenching pain of that on Mothers Days.

I finally came to a sweet spot with Jesus about Mothers Day.  He reminded me that I AM A MOMMY.  He reminded me how loved I am by my littles in heaven. He reminded me that I am and will always be a Mom.  I had my two abortions years ago and it turned Mothers Day into a terrible lie and reminder that I was not a Mom.  Not only was I not a Mom, He tricked me into believing that I will never be a Mom.  I remember feeling like no one understands.

The lie was broken a couple years ago when my sweet husband celebrated mothers day with me.  He recognized that my two babies were mine and they are in heaven and I AM A MOM!!!!!!

It was a beautiful and painful all at the same time on that Mothers Day in 2012.

I am now a proud step-mom to the most amazing kids alive!  I am redeemed and am still reminded by my sweet Jesus that my babies are dancing with Him and I cannot wait to see them one day.

fam

If you are reading this and you have babies here on earth, babies in heaven or do not have little ones yet……CELEBRATE Mothers Day!  We are born to be Mommy’s.  You already are a Mommy!  Enjoy the day, celebrate with your loved ones and remember if your church recognizes Moms and wants moms to stand up…STAND UP!!!!! I will stand with you!

sam and i

Praying for all Mommy’s this weekend, mommy’s with babies in heaven, Moms with babies on earth and Moms that don’t have their babies yet.  I pray that you feel deeply loved first by Jesus and you enjoy your Sunday of rest and love.

I know the pain, I know the loneliness, I know the anger.  I am with you.  Mothers Day is hard.  This Mothers Day I am choosing to celebrate.  I am choosing to celebrate being a crazy fun Step-mom, a Mom to babies in heaven, Mom to my earthly children that are coming one day and loving all the Moms out there.

Choose life.  Choose Joy.  Choose Peace. Your not alone.

He will redeem.  He will break the chains.  He will make all things new.

Happy Mommy Day to my Mommy’s out there.

Love

Alexa

family

Life is Short 

I was sitting in Thompson Cancer Center for an appointment and it was the most beautiful and saddest moments of my life. I was already nervous about the appointment thinking about all the outcomes that could happen after this appointment. If I’m being really honest I was really more concerned about myself than anything or anyone else. (I’ll talk about that later!)

When I first arrived I checked in, gave my info, looked around, thought about stuff, filled out paperwork then I sat down with nothing to do besides embrace and be in the moment. 

I finally looked around and stopped thinking about me, me and more of me, I felt deep pain for the women, teenagers and men sitting with me. 

I sat back and listened in on some of the conversations  everyone was having. Some patients were just there to get blood work done, some where there to meet with their doctor and the others that were there were supporting the patient.

 I looked over at one women who had no hair and she had two of her friends with her.  I listen in on her conversation and my thought was (I bet she is so sad, sad about her hair (I would be!), sad that she has cancer, sad that she’s here). BOY, was I wrong! She was full of joy and hope and love.

I listened into a couple more conversations and it was all “normal” talking. Nothing depressing. Nothing about cancer, just everyday life!

That day changed me forever. I went to my appointment and thought “whatever the results were I choose life and joy!”

I was very disappointed in myself, embarrassed that I care so much about my hair, the way I look and what others think of me. 

I look up to those brave and courageous people. I want more of what they have. Which I know is strange Bc I am healthy as the world sees us. But in reality they are more healthy than I am right now!

Daily they choose

Life, joy, peace, hope, no drama, no gossip and they hold on to the promises. 

I don’t choose this daily.  I want to but my life gets hard and I want to quit. I know it’s a poor excuse but I am being brutally honest. 

I left the appointment in awe of The Lord. 

This world is so broken, life hands you poop sometimes and even cancer but if we choose life and Jesus then it looks very  different. It looks like HOPE. 

We are only here on earth for a moment. I want my moment to be amazing and I want my moment to be what and how He wants me to be and do!!

In pain, hurt, disease and sadness- CHOOSE JESUS!! He is the healer, He is the great physician, He gives life!! Open your hands and receive the living water that He has for you. 

Stop complaining, moping, being bitter about the past or present- open your hands and receive the real love and truth. 

 

Love Ya

Alexa 🙂