Tag Archives: abortion

Mommy Day

This day used to KILL me.  I hated the church service where they ask all the mothers to stand up so they can recognize them.  I never stood up.  I wanted to scream

“What about the mothers who have babies in heaven?”

Mothers day has always been such a depressing, lonely and annoying day for me.  It was always hard to watch the Moms being celebrated.  Not because I didn’t want them to feel loved it was my own selfish hurt and pain. I have had my two abortions and I was always reminded by the enemy of the gut wrenching pain of that on Mothers Days.

I finally came to a sweet spot with Jesus about Mothers Day.  He reminded me that I AM A MOMMY.  He reminded me how loved I am by my littles in heaven. He reminded me that I am and will always be a Mom.  I had my two abortions years ago and it turned Mothers Day into a terrible lie and reminder that I was not a Mom.  Not only was I not a Mom, He tricked me into believing that I will never be a Mom.  I remember feeling like no one understands.

The lie was broken a couple years ago when my sweet husband celebrated mothers day with me.  He recognized that my two babies were mine and they are in heaven and I AM A MOM!!!!!!

It was a beautiful and painful all at the same time on that Mothers Day in 2012.

I am now a proud step-mom to the most amazing kids alive!  I am redeemed and am still reminded by my sweet Jesus that my babies are dancing with Him and I cannot wait to see them one day.


If you are reading this and you have babies here on earth, babies in heaven or do not have little ones yet……CELEBRATE Mothers Day!  We are born to be Mommy’s.  You already are a Mommy!  Enjoy the day, celebrate with your loved ones and remember if your church recognizes Moms and wants moms to stand up…STAND UP!!!!! I will stand with you!

sam and i

Praying for all Mommy’s this weekend, mommy’s with babies in heaven, Moms with babies on earth and Moms that don’t have their babies yet.  I pray that you feel deeply loved first by Jesus and you enjoy your Sunday of rest and love.

I know the pain, I know the loneliness, I know the anger.  I am with you.  Mothers Day is hard.  This Mothers Day I am choosing to celebrate.  I am choosing to celebrate being a crazy fun Step-mom, a Mom to babies in heaven, Mom to my earthly children that are coming one day and loving all the Moms out there.

Choose life.  Choose Joy.  Choose Peace. Your not alone.

He will redeem.  He will break the chains.  He will make all things new.

Happy Mommy Day to my Mommy’s out there.




Grace and “Getting Saved”

GRACE.  A strong and powerful word.  GRACE. A word that is used too flippantly.  What do we know about grace? What is Getting Saved Mean?

We are told by church, friends, leaders or whoever that if you want to receive Jesus in to your heart and have eternal life then you pray a prayer.  What is that???!!!

When I got saved and prayed the prayer,  I was in 8th grade I had my sweet friend Kelly with me.  She was my middle school leader, her husband was the middle school pastor.  We spent so much time together.  She would tell me all about this Jesus and how He loves me.  I still remember not really buying into this Jesus thing.  This went on for almost 2 years.

I dont remember what changed in my mind or heart but something did.  Kelly and I were at TCBY in Ponte Vedra and something came over me, very overwhelming sense of peace, joy and a little scared.  I told her I was ready.  I am sure if you asked her she probably would tell you she was so pumped!!!  She lead me through the prayer of accepting Jesus into my heart.  Something changed in the heavens, a transaction happened, and my heart WAS changed forever.  I still remember Kelly telling me about this new life I would have.  She NEVER told me it was going to be easy.  I fact she would always tell me, This is the hardest but sweetest journey you’ll ever be on.  I never believed her!

I did change the next year, but not for the good.  I changed for the worse.  So here’s the short version of my summer going into my 9th grade year.

I moved to a different county, which meant I was going to a different high school than all my friends.  I was alone, lost and scared.  I went on a path that was hard, scary, fun at times and dark.  I was always looking for attention in anything and everything.  I was a liar, a cheater and a fake and I was a leader, terrible friend and a promiscuous girl.  I went on to 10 years of drugs, drinking, lying, sex, hurting others, 2 pregnancies that ended in abortions and a list of people that hurt me and a longer list of people who I hurt.

That day at TCBY it was REAL.  It was a real transaction.  Kelly did not give me a neatly package gospel, she was always honest about the hard moments and sweet moments.  She never lied to me about this journey.  Its not JUST a prayer.  Its a new life.

After my 10 years of running away

I was tired,

worn out

and ready to give up.

I have never felt real Grace until 2009……

Grace is lying in your mess of junk and you feel loved, Grace is confessing your abortions before the Lord and having an overwhelming sense of love.  Grace is having a friend for 19 years NEVER giving up Hope.  Grace is lying in your bed scared about tomorrow and a rush of wind comes over you and you feel love. Grace is knowing that your sweet Jesus was with you during all your time running away from Him.  Grace is realizing He never left you, you left Him and you are still loved.


Grace is LOVE. God is Love. God is Grace.

Dont settle for cheap grace.  Get the real deal!

This call to follow Him is heavier than prayer.

Being saved is leaving everything and following Jesus.

He wants your heart.

He wants ALL of you, not just some of you.

I remember lying in bed many nights, crying out to this God who so graciously welcomed me back into his Kingdom and thinking, Why? How is this possible?  I would hear the still small voice saying,

  “because you are mine, you have always been mine”

Thank you Jesus for GRACE.  Remind me everyday how much I am nothing without you.

I was made BRAND NEW!!!

“Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”- Mark 10:21

Examine your heart.  Are you going to church and saying your prayers and really not giving all to Him? Are you worshiping on Sundays and Mondays you are back to the old?

I want more, I am asking for more of Him.  I don’t want cheap grace.  I want to live fully in Him.

Love you