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Faith always involves fear.

 

Life throws you bullets and you have to be able to deal! So hard! We are all fearful of something. I am not talking about spiders or sharks, I am talking about a deep fear. Deep down there kind of fear. We all may not want to admit it but, it’s there. You can expose it early or let it run your life for a while until you decide you are DONE!

I am very fearful in many ways. Let’s talk a little about my life and fears! I am a little controlling (which my family may say I am A LOT controlling!), I am afraid to fail, I am afraid of not fully being known or heard.

Failing. Goodness I am afraid to fail. I hate disappointing people, you could say that there is a little people pleasing part to me! I rarely say or do certain things because I am nervous about failing. I become highly insecure and fearful. I hear the voices in my head saying “you can’t do it, just don’t try”, “your such a failure”, “your stupid.” Faith always involves fear. I have to take leaps of faith and there is always fear.

Most of everyone’s biggest fear is to be known. We all want to be heard. But to actually be known and completely vulnerable is SCARY. I spent a lot of my life always sharing too much information about myself, always giving out info that wasn’t necessary to give, and having a TON of friends. It seemed as though I was being known and vulnerable, but all the friends didn’t actually know the real Alexa.

It wasn’t until I moved to Knoxville and was able to be honest and have some freedom to let people actually see a little of the real me. It was hard, it was scary. You are putting your heart and soul out there and people can hurt you!!!! Then I got married! Talk about vulnerable. My husband and I are VERY honest with each other (maybe to a fault). We have the freedom to speak truth and life into each other’s lives. Sometimes (most of the time for me) it hurts. I am very sensitive, I get embarrassed, I want to defend. Its moments like those that I become known. I am in a safe place with my husband, I know he adores me and just wants to love me well, that’s why he is talking to me about these things. Faith in our Jesus for our marriage involves fear.

Speak Truth Even if Your Voice Shakes

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Everywhere in the bible it speaks about Fear. “Do not Fear,” “Do not Fear, I am with you.” Fear has been an ongoing heartache for centuries. We’re NOT alone!!

Our experiences in our past paralyze us for the future. For example, I was in a bad car accident in the pouring rain years ago. Every time it rains, my anxiety while driving is through the roof. I am remembering every little detail of my accident. It paralyzes me. It makes sense that in a big picture of life we are paralyzed by our past and we are fearful now.

“To give place to fear is to accept its bondage”- Paula Rinehart

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face….You must do the thing you cannot do”- Eleanor Roosevelt

You must do the thing you cannot do. As we wrestle with the fear we gain wisdom and life back.

Life is short, fear is there and it creeps up. Acknowledge it, kick it in the face and by the Grace of God you will be able to live the life He has called you to.

I have so many things to be fearful about, trust me. Some days I do trust the Lord in all of it, but some days I do not! I cry out and ask why this way? Why is the injustice happening? Why am I not taking the leap and going fully toward what you have asked me to do?

Fear is a LIAR!

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Keep going, don’t give up. Life on earth is so short compared to eternity in heaven. Make it count here. We are the body. Let us not be afraid to love people well (even if it’s the hardest thing to do), go into the world vulnerable or even speak honestly with your spouse.

 

Faith involves fear. Stop listening to the same record playing in your head telling you that you can’t do it. Your worth it, your valued, you’re His, You’re the daughter or son of the King!!

Your daddy runs the world!!

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As we go into the New Year I think about what did my year previously looked like and what does my upcoming year look like. 

We all put together our list of goals, dreams and resolutions. 

This year our family did a bucket list and a dream list with my husband and kids. It was sweet to see what the kids are dreaming about and wanting out of this year. Some things that they wrote down are for many years to come but it is great to teach them to dream big

This year I have spent some time with Jesus asking Him what He wants us to do this year. I have spent some quiet moments with Him asking about what this year looks like with Him. 

This morning was a sweet morning of Him reminding me that He’s got me!!
He’s got you too. 

I wanted to share a couple things you could do with you or you and your family to kick off a new year of dreaming. 

  • Get the whole family together. All ages! Get poster board and markers, pray and ask the Lord for him to reveal anything that He wants them to do, also don’t forget to dream with eachother to do things together. Make memories. Everyone write down their own dreams/bucket list and hopes for the year, then share with eachother. It’s sweet to see what everyone write 
  • Spend time alone with Jesus praying and asking what He wants you to do this year. It may be rest! It may be a tangible thing. Just ask and listen. You will be amazed of how simple He is and how much he really just want more of your heart
  • Start a memory jar. Get a huge mason jar and keep notecards and throughout the year add little notes of memories and at the end of each year read them all together. 
  • You and your spouse get together and dream. Dream of what this year looks like for you both. What do you want to do together? 

I am NOT an expert. It’s hard day to day to remember about these lists throughout the mess of life!! I keep asking the lord to help me!!! Lordy I am a mess! I need all the help I can get. 

This year He is wanting me to fall backwards. – I’ll be writing about what that means and looks like for me!
Blessings. Xo 

What do you Worship?

This has been a question that has been lurking all around me. It’s EVERYWHERE!! So, after me ignoring God trying to tell me something, I finally gave in and said “what do you mean?”

I thought worship was just music. I was thinking to myself I am a good worshipper, I dance, sing and worship ALL DAY! 

But that wasn’t what The Lord was and still if talking to me about. He is asking me the question, “What do you talk about day in and day out? What is your main focus on day in and day out?”  Umm well that was different and hard. Now, I knew exactly what He was referring to the second I heard those questions. Now, it wasn’t condemning questions it was more of our good Dad helping me understand. 

I spent a couple days writing down all the things that I have talked about. It was easy because sure enough I talk about the same thing every flipping day. Arggggg I was so frustrated. I was annoyed with myself. This thing that I have been talking about for years is killing me. Literally killing me. 

I talk about it daily to my husband, to my friends, to my family, to myself and to God. (Which btw I think Jesus loves to listen to anything we talk about, he just gently moves us more toward Him!)

Enough is enough right? I think about how many hours, how much emotional crap and how much the people I talk about it to are so so so over it!!!

Louie Giglio defines worship as our response, both personal and corporate, to God for who He is, and what He has done; expressed in and by the things we say and the way we live.

Read the “expressed in and by the things we say and the way we live”. So good right?

I want to be a person of peace, love, compassion, mercy and hope for my family and others. When we spend our days worshipping other things that lead us into darkness we loose sight of what The Lord is doing and how He is working. When we spend our days talking about other people, our problems, ourselves, our husbands, our kids, someone who made you mad on the road, our family or whoever we miss Him. We miss His presence. 

Now I am guilty as all get out on this. I am learning  and hopeful for my little girl heart can grasp more of Him and what He’s teaching me. 

Join me in learning to close out mouths of hate and gossip and open our heart to more of Him. 

It’s a hard season but I am willing to learn and ask for more. That’s all He asks for is open hands and following Him. 

We always become like the one we worship. 
What do you worship? What does your day look like? 

What would the world look like if all we talked about was how amazing Jesus is and his stories? Now that’s worship.  
Love me❤️

Reminders 

I love getting sweet reminders from the Lord. This season is hard. It’s a season of more healing. A season of heartache. A season of transformation. A season of being reminded of my old self. It’s a season of going back to the old. It’s a season of new growth. A season of more intimacy with the Lord. 

All season are sweet and extremely hard. It’s hard to walk out old pain and be reminded of the old self. It’s painful to walk beside people you deeply love and see them in pain. It’s beautiful to see the Lord take the pain and turn it into beauty. There’s always beauty after pain. How long are we willing to endure the pain to see the redemption? In the waiting is so hard. It means you have to trust. Ahhhhhh that word scares me. I don’t do well with trusting the Lord in the waiting. 

I am being reminded that His mercies are new, they never come to an end. The lord is gracious to those who wait in the Pain and midst of darkness. 

I have to sit quietly and remind myself that I am my beloveds and He is mine. I beg for Him. I beg for answers and for more of Him. 

He is everywhere. He doesn’t waste anything. I get into a funk where I am throwing myself a pity party and I miss Him. I miss the presence of Him. 

He will always show up reminding me of who I am even when I’m not wanting to hear and maybe not paying attention  

 He reminded me that I am a momma! Thankful that I felt Him nudging me to look!!!

I am a mom!!! Thank you Jesus for reminding me!! 

He is extravagant LOVE. He will always show you. 

I came home after a hard couple days and this was on my driveway  

 
Thank you!!!!! I love Him too!!

“The steadfast of the Lord never ceases His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The lord is my portion, says my soul “therefore I will hope in Him”. The Lord is good to those who wait for Hom, to the soul who seeks Him. It’s good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. “- Lamentations 3:22-27

I will keep waiting for more of the redemption and transformation that will happen. It’s hard in the waiting but so much beauty He still shows you in the pain. I’m scared a lot!

Don’t miss him. 

He is here. 

He is covering you. 

He delights in you. 

He is merciful. 

He is tearing Down the boxes you put up. 

He wants your heart. 

He is so in love with you. 

He enjoys the season with you. 

He isn’t going anywhere. 
Learn to trust Him. Ask Him to teach you. 

Blessings. Xo

You’re not finished 

Life is a marathon of pain, heartache, joy, peace and redemption. Before you run an actual marathon you train for it. You train your body for the brutal parts, you even change what you eat. We are called to run the marathon in love, joy, patience, kindness and peace. But most importantly that we run our race with Him. He is running with us. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. He goes before. He is in us. We are called to love in such a way that people near us believe that the gospel is true. Run well. Finish well. Whatever that has happened in the past does not define your run. Keep running. Keep training. Seek Him and you will find rest. His yoke is easy. I am renewing my mind daily to this marathon. I desire to finish well. I desire for more is Him. I want to trust Him more. YOU’RE NOT DONE!!!  

  

#hope #renewal #trust #transformation #grace #lovenotes #lovewins #livelovehope #thankful #yourenotdone

Heavy Heart

  

Hard conversations, real conversations make for a heavy heart. I love being challenged. I hate it in the moment when I am being confronted but the more I soak in the truth words spoken over me, I realize that the only answer to my brokenness is more of Jesus. I am soaking in this Psalm. “The valley of the deepest darkness You remain close to me and lead me all the way……….the comfort of your love takes away my fear….You anoint me with the frangrance of Your Holy Spirit. You give me all I can drink of You until my heart overflows.” Soak in this. Praying for more for me and all. Praying that I can be so firm in my identity in Him that nothing can stop me. Praying that I run to Him for everything. Praying that I am reminded by my love that it’s not about me. It’s about living out the Gospel. It’s about loving well. I pray that the aroma of Christ is pouring out of me. I pray for real transformation #livelovehope #lovewins #holyspiritcome #hope #passiontranslation #psalm23 #transformation 

The Old is Gone, the New has come…

“what you complete is completely done..”

Beautiful song by Sovereign Grace.  You should go listen to it now!!

I have been traveling a ton lately, first vacation with the family (kids and all!!) and then I had a trip home to Florida by myself to see my family.  I was so looking forward to the trip alone.  Not because I wanted to get away from kids and husband, but to really be alone and enjoy the quiet presence of Jesus.  I had a total of 17 beautiful hours in the car with sunny skies, not a drop of rain and quiet.  Oh and not to mention I was going to see my Dad in Florida for the 2nd time since 1994!!! WOWZA!

The 8.5 hour drive there was amazing.  Listening to a ton of Louis Giglio, worshiping to awesome Bethel Music, having great conversations with the Lord and of course little dance parties to C & C Music Factory in between!  The Lord revealed a lot to me in that 8.5 hours.  So much, overwhelming, sweet and really uncomfortable too. My first stop is my Dad and his wife’s house on the beach.  I was not nervous at all, I was so excited to see them.  The last time I saw them was about a year before I got married. Let me remind you that when I moved to Florida in 1993 or 1994 that was the last time I saw my dad until I got in contact with him a year before my wedding in 2013. So kind of a big deal!!!  I spent about 2 days with them in St. Augustine.  It was great, hard and revealing all at the same time.  Ill get into the hard and revealing part some other time.

Then on to see my sister, mom, brother-in-law, the coolest niece and nephew and friends!!! I had a blast being with my niece and nephew.  They bring so much joy.  Children are a sweet picture of really being child-like and playful with the Lord.

It was time to leave after 7 days of missing my husband and remembering the past.

I left at 5:45am on Sunday morning.  I was ready to go home in my own bed, my husband and back to normal.  I was looking forward to another 8.5 hours with a sweet time with the Lord.  As I was driving out of Jacksonville I started to replay the life I use to have.  I was thinking about all the nights with no sleep, nights of pain, days of heartache, but also fun days I had.  Many days and nights of partying, drugs, sex and hurt.  I was thinking about how before I got married I would typically be driving home (TN) from Jacksonville with not much sleep, hungover from drinking or drugs, feeling crappy about myself.  Thinking why in the world amI still doing this crap when I go to FL.

This time leaving felt different.  Because, It WAS different. THANK YOU JESUS.

For 8 hours I was reminded of the horrible things I did to other people, the horrible things people did to me, the sleepless nights, the endless partying and no Jesus.  I was so heartbroken thinking about all those years without Him.  All the confusion and restlessness. I was a mess driving.  People driving by were probably thinking that I was crazy.  I was talking really loud (no one was in the car), crying uncontrollably and then laughing and singing.  I looked like a lunatic.

But……..All that crazy mess, I was rejoicing with the Lord.  I was praising Him for the beautiful mess I was and still am.  I was thanking Him for being such a gentleman when I was running.

You see, our God is a God of compassion.  Our God is a God of redemption.  Our God is a God of second chances. Our God is a God of peace.  Our God is a God of restoration.  Our God is a God of reconciliation.  Our God is LOVE.

I ran my mess for many many years and that drive was the first drive alone I was completely free.  I was reminded of how big our God is.  I was reminded that I am forgiven.  I was reminded that there is a plan for me.  I was reminded that He will use my story.  I was remind that He makes all things for my good.

Thank you JESUS!!!  More chains were broken, more healing happened and I was closer to Him in those moments that I have felt in a long time.

There is always a part of me that is scared to tell my story, the whole story.  I am always nervous of the gasps, looks and wide-eyed reactions (which I get often) when I tell my whole story.  Its a vulnerable place to be in front of a large group or small group of girls and women sharing all of you.

Since 2009 I have always known I was called to share my story.  I was always ready and willing but I never really knew the depth of His love for me until that drive.  I always knew He loved me but as I was driving I was replaying MY WHOLE PAST, and blown away in amazement and shock that the man who died on the cross, the man who gave His life for me, the man who rose from the grave, the man who knows my intimate thoughts is in love with ME!!!! He is the best Abba Father.

Since 2009 He has been perusing me, loving me, letting me fall and run, felt deep compassion for me and with me.

Before I got home I was having a conversation about me not really thinking that I should be teaching young girls and how I probably heard him wrong in 2009!!!  He spoke such sweet words to be before I arrived to my husband.

He said “I just want you to share our Love Story”

Got it!  Done! I can do that!  I love our love story.  Its the best!

I will always struggle, I will always fall, I will always have moment of not believing He really loves me.  But deep down in my core….I know know know know He and I have this Love story and I will always be blown away and I will always share!

I encourage you to share your story.  Share your Love Story.  Your worth it.  You matter.  Your story matters.

“The Old has gone, the new has come, what you complete is completely done….”

Listen to this song…..rejoice with Him!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2Z3Jefn-GY

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You have a Love Story.  Share it!

Alexa:)